Pitch Black
by Mizurio
Summary: [UPDATED]A thunder storm rages outside and has caused the power to go out at Central. Ed's confused, Roy wants to go the hell home, Al losses his Plum, Riza's tired of these idiots, and a plant gets set on fire.[RoyxEd Shounenai][implied RizaxHavoc]
1. It's called a cat, Sir

I have absolutely no idea how this came into existence. O.o I was just happily walking along doing my thing (namely trying to update my RK fic) when all of a sudden…

SMACK!

X.o

I was smacked in the face with a plot bunny.

And let me tell you, when a bunny gets thrown at you, it WILL try to SCRATCH YOUR EYES OUT! –cringes-

Anyways, this is bit serious at the beginning, so the actual genre for the story is humor/(light) angst/romance/(87.45364567 ½)pure crack.

Though not in that exact order…or percentage…X3

PAIRINGS: RoyxEd (duh) and (**IMPLIED, A BARELY EXSISTENT!)** RoyxRiza and (ALSO IMPLIED) RizaxHavoc (I'm becoming quite fond of this pairing…)

But mostly RoyxEd….

And I have no idea if electricity even exists in the FMA world (with the time period and all but…electricity should've been discovered by then in the FMA world, right? Right!)

….If it doesn't, let's just pretend it does, my sanity is on the line here…

Be warned, dear reader, the content of this fic has –dramatic pause- **YAOI!** –Dun dun DUN!- If that is not your cup of tea, (Hee hee hee..buy YAOI tea today! Now in Sweet Lemon flavor XD! You'll have to excuse me, I let my mind out for a walk, and it hasn't come back yet…) then go read something else!

Namely my Resident Evil fic. –End shameless plug-

I aslo do not own FMA, or this might've actually happened in the anime...maybe...not really...

* * *

Now Mizurio presents her first ever FMA fic… 

**Pitch Black! **(Cue dramatic violin music…)

Chapter One

* * *

"Mrrowr…" 

"Al, what the hell was that?"

Said giant suit of armor jumped at the sudden break of silence. "Um,er…ah, it's nothing! Yup, it must be the wind! You're just hearing things brother…." The empty suit of armor quickly answered and hurried out of the central library mumbling about something that Edward didn't quite catch. It was something along the lines of 'pouring rain', or 'never ending pain'. Whatever, he didn't really care at the moment, as he was to busy looking over one of the many alchemy books that he'd just pulled off one of the many huge books shelves of the Central Library. He flipped through the pages without reading, and put the hardcover book back in its rightful place on the shelf.

At this rate he'd never be able to recover from the strange encounter he'd had not even 24 hours ago with a certain smug bastard…He pulled out another book, making sure it was twice as thick as the last. He immediately flipped it open and began to read it while making his way to a nearby chair. By the time he was sitting in the chair all he was doing was staring blankly at the pages and reliving that moment that had happened not to long ago over and over in his mind. _Arrgh…damn you, Mustang! _Thunder clashed outside the walls of the building where a raging storm was taking place, as if to emphasize his anger with the said Man.

If only he hadn't gone in at that particular moment, then maybe it wouldn't have happened. Then again, his whole life was practically based on a series of 'what if's' and 'if only's'. For example: What if he had never tried to bring his mother back to life? What if he hadn't been able to bring back Al as a suit of armor? What if he'd known sooner that Tucker was going to use his own daughter and combine her with a dog to create a chimera? What if he'd never became a State Alchemist? These kinds of thoughts would go through his mind a least once a day. What if…

What if Mustang hadn't kissed him?

Yes, he could definitely now add that to his life long 'what if' list.

It had started when he was going to Roy's office to turn in his report on his latest mission. He wanted to just throw it at the bastard and stomp off without so much as a word of acknowledgement, but one insult lead to another, and Ed had walked up to the Colonel's desk to finally tell him off when all of a sudden he had been pulled across the desk and had ended up in Mustang's lap. The next thing he new both of their tongues were doing a dance that the young alchemist never though he would do with a _man_. Ed chalked it up as another one of the bastards' games, and had decided to play back. Only when Ed had felt a pair of gloved hands take off his belt and begin to unzip his pants did he realize that this was no game…

And that's when the Fullmetal Alchemist knocked his superior upside the head with his auto mail limb, grabbed his things, and hauled ass out.

And now he was here, STILL thinking about it…._Note how you didn't say it wasn't nice…DAMNIT!_ Ed threw the book in his hands on the floor and walked toward the exit of the library. To once again try and clear his thoughts about you-know-what, he decided now would be a good time to find his younger brother.

BOOM! FIZZIT!

"SON OF A--!"

* * *

Roy Mustang slowly opened his eyes and was greeted with a looming darkness that engulfed his vision. He got up into a sitting position on the floor, and instantly regretted it when a sharp pain surged through the back of his enitre skull. Slowly, he began to put what pieces of his brain were left together…_Shit._

Well, he now remembered why his head hurt, but why the hell was it so damn dark? He hadn't been hit _that_ hard by Fullmetal, had he? He blinked a few times and the dark shape of his desk (that was about to break from the amount of paper work piled on it) came into view. The Colonel let out a sigh of relief knowing that he wasn't blind for life, and he slowly crawled over to his desk. Using said object as support he shakily got to his feet, the pain in his skull making itself known even more.

He heard the door open. "Sir, are you alright?"

Roy winced at the female voice ringing in his eardrums. "There's no need to yell Lieutenant. I'm fine just…lost my balance for a moment…" He mumbled.

Riza Hawkeye squint her eyes at her superior, she couldn't see his face all that well, but from the tone of his voice she could tell something had happened. She sighed. He'd probably tripped over his own two feet when the lights went out, just like most of the other inhabitants of the building had done. (Havoc being a sever case, had been set to the infirmary. He had tried to light up a nearby plant on a secretary's desk as a source of light with his now some-what trusty lighter. Things did not end well, as the blonde was now missing half an eyebrow and a sleeve of his military uniform, along with some severs burns to his hands.)

"Sir, the storm outside has caused the electricity to go out as well as back up generators to malfunction."

Roy prayed to god that 1st lieutenant couldn't see him (or the neglected paper work) and cautiously walked toward the door. "I see…" he said irritably. "Then, I'm leaving." _I'll have to settle things with Fullmetal later…_

"As was I was about to suggest, but take this with you."

Roy suddenly felt something shoved against his chest; it was warm, furry, and purring like crazy. "L-Lieutenant…What the hell?"

"It's called a cat, sir."

"Ah…" He responded, absent mindedly scratching the feline behind the ears. Then it sunk in. "Alphonse."

"Find him and Fullmetal, and I'll pretend that pile of paper ready to crack your desk in two doesn't even exist…(at least until the light come back on…)"

The man was about to protest to his subordinates request but quickly changed his mind when he heard the click sound of a gun being loaded. A lighter (that had once belonged to a certain 2nd lieutenant) flickered to life and Riza was finally able to see Roy's bruised face. Tripped in the dark her ass.

"Sir."

"Hm?" Roy continued to stroke the fur of the cat in his arms.

Riza couldn't help but roll her eyes. "Go get an ice pack. And apologize when you find Fullmetal." She said walking away, and she could've sworn she heard the Colonels' jaw hit the floor.

* * *

Alphonse Elric was dead still. He couldn't believe what he'd just done, and what he had just heard. If he had a jaw, it would most definitely be on the floor right now. 

How could he have been so careless!

That poor, poor kitty….

* * *

Let's start from the top… 

The suit of armor had been walking along the halls, minding his own business when the lights had suddenly gone out. Out of concern for his animal friend he gently pulled the cat out of his armor to make sure she was still alright. Thankfully, she was. He stroked her ears gently and safley made his way to one of the benches near by a secretary's desk. He could make out the faint shape of a woman sitting behind the desk and he asked what had just happened.

"Oh! There's nothing to worry about little boy—" Al just sighed, he didn't blame her. Although he was a huge suit of armor and looked intimidating once in awhile, he still had the voice of a child, "—The powers gone out is all. Just sit tight and we'll wait for the lights to come on together, alright?" The woman said cheerfully, which gave Al the feeling that this had happened a lot before he ever came here.

"Alright…" He said softly. He was truly grateful that he had company, or else he would've been running around looking for his brother. He decided it best if Ed find him instead. Besides, he couldn't just leave this poor woman all alone in the dark.

And that's when trouble literally walked by.

"Hello? Anyone over here?"

"Second Lieutenant! Hello!" The secretary greeted. "Are you okay, you sound quite troubled…"

"It's nothing. Are you by yourself? I could keep you company you know…."

Al didn't have tosee to know that there was a huge smirk plastered on the mans' face. "AHEM"

"Awha-?"

"Oh my, are you alright, little one?"

"I'm quite alright, thanks."

"ALPHONSE?"

"Hello, Second Lieutenant Havoc." Al said as deadpan and robotic-like as he could, knowing that it always freaked the man out. He heard shuffling noises and saw a lighter light up and bring life to a cigarette. "Those will kill you, you know."

"And so will sitting around here doing nothing." Havoc responded, trying to lighten the mood. "C'mon, I'll lead you two outta here."

"No thanks, I'm waiting for brother."

"As much as I appreciate the offer, I can't see a hand in front of my face!" The secretary replied. Havoc sighed, the lady was right, it was very dark. And his lighter was a piece of crap; it was pure luck that he'd gotten it to work just now.

"Well then," He pulled over small plant from the corner of the woman's desk. "How about this…" He took the still lit cigarette from his mouth and placed the fiery tip on one of one of the plants leaves.

"NO, JEAN DON'T—"

FWOOSH! "AAAAH! PUT IT OUT! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD...!"

"MRRAAAAWWWR!" The cat in Al's metal arms went haywire at the scene and bolted out of the armors arms and into the darkness.

"No! Plum, come baaack!" Al shouted, chasing after the affectionately named cat, not caring to look back at the two left to control the fire.

"Pluuuum!"

* * *

Back to reality… 

Al hung his head in sadness as he listen to Riza give Roy his kitty. If only he'd found her sooner…"Plum…" If the cat stayed in the Flames' hands for long, Plum would be set outside in the rain in no time.

_Don't worry plum; I'll get you back no matter what!_

* * *

I think I'll stop here. Yes there are some plants that are quite flammable, but I cant remember any of there names at the moment….. 

I have no idea what made me write this (we see a plot bunny that eerily looks like Riza holding a gun to Mizurio's head) but I think that I'm doing pretty well so far.

Please review and leave comments and criticism, as it will make the plot bunny happy (Plot bunny: -Smiles innocently while still holding gun-), and it will make me happy, therefore making me write a second chapter, which in turn just _might_ have some RoyxEd. XD

You know you want to….

PLUM THE ALMIGHTY KITTY COMMANDS YOU TO REVIEW!

Al: O.O Plum! Where? Don't worry, I'll save you Plum! –runs off to find said kitty-

Well, that was odd. XD Brain…still out…on that walk…

So, will you review? Hope Plum-kitty didn't scare you to badly….


	2. ACK!

I'M STILL ALIVE.

Random note: I'm trying to keep each chapter about 2,000 words. If this is too long or too short then go on ahead and complain. XD

Also, enjoy this chapter.

* * *

**Pitch Black**

Chapter Two

* * *

"Auugh…." Ed rubbed his nose and glared hatefully at the wall (or at least what he thought to be a wall) that he had just run into. Sighing in frustration, he carefully made it over to a small desk and lit the kerosene lamp placed on it just for these types of situations. 

_Stupid rain…_The storm responded with lightning that poured into the window of the library, making everything perfectly visible for only mere seconds.

Surprisingly enough, Ed made it out of the library with no problems (set aside the fact that the lamp was looking ready to snuff out at any moment), and was now searching frantically for his younger brother. Where the hell could a giant suit of armor disappear to?

"Al…" He said in a loud whisper. "Al—Oof!! Damnit!" Ed stopped to take a better look at what his hip had just collided with. It was a desk in the middle of a hallway intersection. Or more like what was left of a desk. One half was perfectly normal, while the other half was as black and dark as the hallways. Ed picked up the charred ceramic pot that was on the desk, and the instant he did, the entire left side of the desk collapsed into a pile of ash. The other side fell down on top of the ash with a loud CLANK against the marble floor that echoed across the halls. Then silence.

"Ooookaaay…" The blonde dropped the pot, and all it did was make a light clink(!) sound. _…What the hell?_ The only person he knew that could light things up as if it were new years was…

…._Mustang._

What could have happened to actually make the Colonel attack someone in the middle of the hall (during a black out no less)? Had someone used this opportunity to try and get at Mustang? _What if they already got to him? If they're looking for Mustang, then they have to be after me as well…What if they got Al?!_

"Al, I'm coming, hold on! (I guess I have to save your sorry ass too, Mustang)." Ed said out loud, more as a reassurance to himself that nothing had taken a horrible turn for the worst. He made a sharp turn right and headed to what he hoped was the Colonel's office.

It was a shame that his intentions were pure for once….

Because Roy Mustang was in the completely opposite direction.

* * *

"You're actually kinda cute…" The flame mumbled, petting his furry friend who in turn purred in reply. 

Roy continued to walk down the dark halls of central headquarters in what he hoped was the right way to the exit when he turned the corner and…

"AAAGH!!"

"MROOW!!"

FWOOSH!

The flame alchemist had slipped on something that was spilled out on the floor and, much to his dismay he fell face first with his rear-end sticking straight up in the air. Unfortunately, his first reaction to the situation was a quick -SNAP!!- Which promptly set the tip of the fuzzy feline's tail in flames.

And what happened next would forever be burned into Roy Mustang's retinas.

"MMRRROOOWWWWRRR!!!!!"

The kitty wasn't cute anymore….

The feline immediately sunk her sharp claws into the flesh of Roy's shoulder and began to hiss like a demon from the depths of hell. With a yelp of pain the flame grabbed the cat by its fur and with a quick yank he pried the animal away from him and held the cat at arms length. To his dismay, this did not help. The cat sunk its claws into Roy's wrist and when the man's grip loosened the animal went straight for the face.

Roy began to wrestle around on the floor with a cat that was no bigger that his head as the loud sound of foot steps came rushing toward him. He tried to breathe, and succeeded in getting a mouth full of fur. In a panic, he did the only thing he could think of. He snapped his fingers.

FWWOOOSHH!

"MRRROOOW!!"

"I'M GONNA DEEP FRY YOU AND FEED YOU TO BLACKHAYATE YOU FLEA BAG!!" Roy quickly got on his feet and….

"PLUUUUUUUM!!!" The State Alchemist turned around just in time to get run over by a huge empty suit of armor. The wind was knocked out of him as he felt a big metal foot stomp right on his stomach and he hit the cold marble floor like a ton of bricks.

Al would have cried for joy if he had a body and emotions, but as an empty suit of armor he settled with dancing around the hall and hugging Plum. The small feline purred in return. "I'm so glad you're okay, Plum!" Al cooed, "Now, let's go find brother!"

Roy wheezed; conjuring up a small puff of dust from the three inch deep body imprint he'd just made from hitting the floor. …._What the hell just happened? _He could hardly move, and he cursed under his breath as he heard the loud clanking of foot steps fade off. He coughed and slowly made his way into a sitting position with a visible wince. Al had been so focused on saving that stupid cat that the suit of armor had actually forgotten his own strength, and had broken one or more of the Colonel's ribs. _Ed is going to be working overtime for this…_

Ah, yes the other Elric. What was he doing at this moment? He didn't really know what exactly had made him want to ravish the other boy earlier. Was it the rebellious look in those golden eyes? The way his golden blonde hair would practically stand on end when angered? Not to mention the fact that that when the sun glinted off those automail limbs the boy was absolutely sexy.

Roy coughed into his hand and carefully got to his feet, trying to ignore the pain that was running through his body. Brushing the dust off his clothes, he staggered forward, holding his side in pain and hobbled in the direction of the infirmary.

* * *

"Owch that hurts you idiot!" 

"Says the one that set a stupid shrub on fire."

Havoc turned from the nurse that was tending to Havoc's burns to glare in the direction that he thought Breda was in. The insult didn't seem to affect the nurse at all, which implied that a certain Second Lieutenant had been in this situation more times then logically possible. There was a small candle sitting on a night stand nearby, but it hardly helped in the infinite darkness of the infirmary.

As a sharp quip was about to fly out of the smoker's mouth to reply to Breda, there was Riza, standing right next to him as still as stone. She was holding the mans lighter close to her face, the flames emanating from it created shadows that made her look rather gargoyle-ish.

"ACK! HOW DO YOU DO THAT?!" Havoc nearly fell out of his chair at the sight of her.

"Please hold still. I'm not done wrapping your hands."

Havoc instantly sat up straight and smiled at the nurse. "What ever you say, sweetie."

Everyone but Havoc rolled their eyes. Riza put out the flame of the lighter and set it on the nightstand next to the candle. When Havoc made a reach for it he was met with deadly glare from the gun totting woman, and suddenly found his shoe to be the most interesting thing in the known universe, even if he could hardly make out its outline in the darkness.

"Seeing as everything is still in order around here, I'm going to back and look for the—"

"AL?!"

"….You're going to look for the _Al_? First Lieutenant?"

"…Yes, Second Lieutenant Havoc. That's _exactly_ what I was going to do. Right after I told you about my undying love for you and how I want to have ten thousand of your babies." This was said in a completely dead pan, serious tone, and as un-sarcastic as can be. Right.

"…..would you, really?!"

Riza loaded her gun.

"STOP! IGNORING! ME!"

Everyone turned to look at one fuming Edward Elric. He had been standing there nearly two minutes and _just now_ was he getting their attention. Only Mustangs' crew. Yup.

"Oh, it's only Ed."

Eyes bulged and arms flailed.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT'S _**ONLY**_ ED!? I'VE BEEN STADNING HERE FOR NEARLY _THREE MINUTES_!! IS YOUR **BLANT IGNORING** OF ME AN _INSULT _TO MY _STATURE? I'MNOTSOSMALLTHATICANONLYBESEENIFIGLOWEDINTHEDARKANDFLEWAROUNDLIKEAFIREFLY!!!!!!!!!!!" _

Was it just Havoc, or did everyone else feel that Ed was losing his touch? The group looked at each other, then back at Edward. The nurse decided not to even try to understand was going on.

"Next time try to come in from the front entrance instead of the rear, Edward." Riza, put away her gun, and Havoc sighed in relief.

Said boy blinked. "…..Oh." He had been wondering why the group had not been facing him when he entered. That made more sense.

"Alphonse is not here either." Riza took the lighter and tossed it at Ed, who caught it and brought his dying kerosene lamp back to life.

"You haven't seen him or the bastard Colonel anywhere have you?" Ed asked. He'd almost forgotten to add 'bastard' before the mention of Roy, but it went unnoticed by even Ed himself. His face went serious, "I think something might have happened to them."

The Fullmetal Alchemist began to explain what he'd found in the hallway, and how it could have had something to do with a certain Colonel. It took everything that Havoc and Breda had to hold back their grins at the little show Ed was putting on. There was arm flailing and shouthing, and nervous shifting from one foot to the other whenever the short blond mentioned Roy. Riza stood there and listened quietly, trying to figure out what kind of imagination one had to have in order to think up a story as the one Ed was telling. Silence followed soon after, and everyone blinked at Edward's paranoid explanation of what he thought had happened at the scene of the desk.

"….What?" Ed blinked back at them.

Before anyone could explain….

Crash, moan.

Ed swirled around and looked at the door from where he came from. "What was that?" He ran to the door and looked down the hall. There was nothing but darkness. Ed took a few steps down the hall, but there wasn't another peep from the dark. He had thought he had heard the word 'generator' echo off the walls, or was it 'generations'? He wasn't sure.

The alchemist popped his head back into the room, "I'm going to find Al and the Colonel. Whoever's decided to try a sneak attack on this place is gonna regret it!!"

The other listened as the sound of Fullmetal's foot steps faded away.

Riza sighed, and then reached for the lighter; she paused. She'd let Edward use the lighter for the kerosene lamp, and he hadn't returned it. Instead she grabbed the candle, "I'm going to bring him back." She said dead pan.

The other three watched her leave with their only source of light and blinked. No one dared to say anything to stop the woman with a fully loaded 9mm hand gun.

They blinked again. What else could they do?

* * *

Roy, let out a grunt of frustration as he continued down the hallway. One hand poking at his ribs, the other holding some crumpled papers he'd found and set on fire to use as a torch. The stupid infirmary had to be somewhere!! 

The Flame heard a loud crash as he turned the corner and saw a figure stumble along in the darkness. The small torch didn't make enough light to reveal who it was.

"Hello?"

That's when he saw the sparkles. The pink, shiny, sparkles.

Oh, hells no.

"Is that you, Colonel Mustang?!" The voice boomed.

"Er…" Said man immediately snuffed out his torch.

"Do not worry, for the ability to get out of situations like this has been passed down the Armstrong family for _GENERATIONS_!!"

* * *

I couldn't think of anything clever for Armstrong to say. Sorry. 

Please review. You'd make this sorry excuse for a writer very happy


End file.
